So that's how they make roads...

Check out these crazy pics!

So how am I supposed to iron my clothes?

Flooding... >.<

Need a map? Got it right here.

OUCHYOUCHYOUCHY!!!!!

Ha! I win!

Thy plant shall strangle thee!

Woohoo! Yeah!

Umm... ouch?

Thanks to my friend, Alex, for sending me these pictures. XD

Not recommended for those offended by religious humor. Or deities that have blubber.

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Well, here it is.

SERMON 1

Delivered by High Priest Wycco Sept 24 Year 2009 Anno. Shamu.

Fundamentals Of Shamuism

Welcome to the Church Of Shamu. I’m sure many of you are wondering what this strange new religion is. This first sermon of Shamuism will try to address the fundamentals of Shamuism. I will updated this site sporadically, so please check back for updates.

The first question you may ask is, what is Shamuism? Shamuism, or the Church of Shamu, as it is sometimes called, is the worship of, Takagi (the spinner), Shamu (the whale-son), and The Holy Crap (the spirit that causes the unexpected to happen).

Toranosuke Takagi is a former F1 driver who created the universe 8 billion years ago, how he did this will be explained in the next sermon. Takagi is the master of spins, Shamuists worship him for his extraordinary spinning skill that would later cause him to create the universe as we know it.

Shamu is the son of Takagi. (you’re better off not asking how Takagi fathered a whale.) Shamu used to swim around smacking evil and making the world a better place. (In case you are wondering Shamu of Shamuist fame is unique- any resemblence to killer whales living or dead is an accident- sorry!) Each time Shamu dies- evil is removed from the world; hence by going to here and squishing Shamu- you are making the world a better place!

The Holy Crap is a aqueous-gassy fluid expelled by Shamu when he went to the potty. Alike liquid-gas crap from a whale- The Holy Crap is the cause of all things unexpected in this world, such as someone creating a religion out of killing killer whales.

How do you worship Shamu? Many people sacrifice virgins- or clones to Shamu. The Church of Shamu does not take any responsibility for any legal actions caused by followers worshipping Shamu in this manner. Another way of worshipping Shamu is by ritually killing him on the home page of http://shamucroaks.tripod.com over and over again. You may also answer the polls, buy his products (maybe not.), or write odes and messages to Shamu on the forum. All the above statements are ways of showing your devotion to Shamu.

Shamu Morality is an interesting issue. Technically Shamuists believe everyone should form their own form of morality. Naturally the Church Of Shamu looks down upon any act that brings harm to another. It is considered your moral obligation to check out http://shamucroaks.tripod.com daily to look for updates in sermons, death scenes, or forum updates- but the occasional digression from this rule is considered OK.

Until the next sermon, when we discuss the creation of the universe as we know it: May Shamu smack the evil out of you until you lie senseless on the floor,

Thank You,
—–Wycco High Priest Of Shamuism and the Church Of Shamu—–

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Sadly, some Transformers didn’t live up to their potential. They never forgot to be alien space robots. That part always came pretty naturally. But when deciding what to transform into, some went with disguises that were about as inconspicuous as, well, an alien space robot.

#7….Cosmos

When choosing a vehicle to avoid attention, “alien spaceship” ranks somewhere below “mobile fireworks factory” and “giant mobile fireworks factory that’s on fire and being driven by a bear in a tuxedo.” Tell people you saw a giant robot and they’ll think you’re crazy. Tell them you saw a UFO and they’ll still think you’re crazy, but point you towards the huge network of radio talk show conspiracy nuts dedicated to believing your story.

They occasionally tried to justify Cosmos by having him do a space mission. This was only slightly undermined by the fact that both sides had spaceships and in fact, depending on who was writing that day, every single Transformer could just stand up and fly into fucking space anyway.

#6….Nightscream

Nightscream appeared in the Beast Wars series–where all the Transformers returned to Cybertron to fight each other, while transforming into animals from Earth. He turns into a bat that was apparently designed by a person who has never seen a bat before. We almost wonder if anyone looked over the designer’s shoulder, concerned and a tiny bit confused.

Executive: And you’re sure you’ve seen a bat before?
Designer: Yeah, man, I got this. They’re sort of like rabbits, but with gorilla arms, right?
Executive: It’s just that I’d feel a lot more comfortable if you’d at least look at this picture of a ba-
Designer: Guy, I am on this, OK? I know what bats look like. Long fingers. Giant orange backpack. This is a homerun for me, now get outta my office.
Executive: Uh… OK.

#5….Metroplex

Metroplex turned into an entire city, which made him slightly harder to hide than the law of gravity. While it’s conceivable that a brand new, unrecorded metropolis could escape notice if everyone on Earth was retarded–and if there’s one thing the plots of 80s cartoons told us, it’s that they were–once you get within the borders the illusion breaks down. Maybe you’ll notice that every building is a solid, primary-colored block with no features, or maybe the total lack of inhabitants will be the clue that tips you off.

#4…..Rippersnapper

Rippersnapper turned into a shark, and if that didn’t make him the Decepticon Definition of Bad Ass Metal Teethy Death, the creators decided to bless him with arms and legs, which theoretically would make him unstoppable. Until, of course, a designer looked at him and said “No no no, I don’t want him to have cool arms. Give him some gay, little T-Rex baby arms. Yeah. Fuck this robot.”
Rippersnapper would have been formidable enough as a robotic shark, but by giving him arms and legs, he was doomed to wander the land. And by making those arms and legs unapologetically shitty, he was doomed to do so looking like a total idiot.

#2-3…..Omega Supreme

Omega Supreme transformed into a giant rocket, linked to 100-meter rail track that went nowhere, on which was stationed a tank the size of a city block. The Autobots realized he was difficult to hide, and when the guys who dress up as giant, idiotic microscope robots recognize how conspicuous you are, you might have a pretty profound problem.

They stuck Omega in the middle of a wilderness where no one could ever see him, and where his ability to disguise himself would surely come in handy. They also tended to forget that he was the size of every Decepticon in the universe put together, and could have ended the war in one metal-mashing minute had anyone ever bothered to roll out and ask him to.

AND FINALLY!!!!

#1…..Swoop

All the Dinobots qualify for this one: They’re “disguised” as extinct species except able to talk, painted red and yellow, and just in case you’re a colorblind deaf-mute who doesn’t understand which direction time goes, they’re made of metal. In fact, these are the only Transformers who couldn’t even fit in back on their home planet of Cybertron, since it never had animals – so they’re not just badly-disguised, they’re actually anti-disguised even on a world where giant robots are normal.

Swoop is the worst: at least the others get some advantages from their complicated genesis (a marketing executive thinking “What else do nine-year-old boys like?”). In a war that always degenerates into fist fights, despite everyone owning or in fact being energy weapons, T-Rex, Stegosaur and Triceratops are the top things on the “Useful things to be” list. Turning into a clumsy and medically retarded animal when the enemy consists almost entirely of F-15s? That makes his transformation a total triple-changer of suck: he can’t fit in on Earth, or at home, and gets deservedly beaten on both.

Once again, thanks to the new millenial zombie, we’ve got to take a good, hard second look at our advice to those who find themselves in the center of a zombie swarm.

It’s important to represent both sides – the quick and the dead and the good ol’ shamblers – in order to optimize your choices if in fact you find yourself in the middle of a crew intent on eating your face. So, let’s start right off with the obvious:

What’s eating you? Are you dealing with the tottering old school voodoo zombie, or the new and improved “Olympus 2000″ version? Define your enemy, and act appropriately as per below.

The Fast facts on Fast Zombies

I start with these guys, because if you’re out there with shamblers, you probably have enough time to read through. Consider it triage for the human Triscuit.

1) Waste Gas. There’s no way a fat little hamster like you is going to be able to outrun a couple hundred frothing, sprinting chowhounds. Even more importantly, there’s no need. During a zombie swarm, there’s an incredible drop in the surplus population, and the economy goes all to hell – this means incredible gas reserves for you, all at the five finger discount. It becomes a drive-thru world. Need food? Get to your supermarket; drive thru. Need clothes? There’s The Gap – drive thru. A really top-flight, smart zombie survivor will actually be able to gain weight during a sustained attack through lack of exercise. Happy motoring!

2) Built Ram Tough. Once again, we come back to the state of the union, and the sudden availability of free consumer goods. You may pass by that Ferrari dealership, or that cherry Corvette you always wanted – pretty, but they won’t take the pounding of multiple bodies bouncing off the bonnet and ramming speed at the 7-11 will leave you bloody and stranded. Your best steal is a nice, healthy SUV or Hummer. High up, to keep the bodies from bouncing off the glass, extra strength in the bumper and frame, and a great six-speaker stero system to boot. Sure, it’s a survivalist emergency, but why not travel in style?

3) I love the smell of napalm in the morning. There was a time when you could stand tall and pick zombies off at your leisure. Those days are gone now – and thanks to federal regulation, you’re not allowed to buy automatic weapons. So it’s time to cook up some mass-mischief to help thin the herd in a zombie swarm. Burning is good. Blowing up is good too. I hear you can find a lot of evil instructions out here on the net – start cookin’.

4) You’re in the Army now. Your first stop, after acquiring your shiny SUV, should be to boogie down to your nearest army base. If they’re alive, there you go. Safe and sound. (Just remember they turn into mad horn-dogs after a couple of months – don’t wear out your welcome. Or heat it up…) If not – hey – there’s your stash of automatic weapons, right there. The zombie army guys aren’t using ‘em. In fact, they don’t march anymore, karate anymore, and frankly, zombie Army guys punch like sissies. K.P. the base of undead uniformed meat-monkeys and stock up on round after round of 2nd Amendment goodness. No guilt – all zombies have suspected links to Al-Quida. The president said so, and the Secretary of Defense showed me sattelite photos that proved it.

5) Get outta Dodge. It’s tough to be a saint in the city of the dead – time to go Green Acres. Beautiful sunsets. Mountains. Lakes. No humans around means no meat puppets to avoid. Summer in your cottage in Yellowstone; winter in the painted desert. Or, if you have some time to kill (heh), take a couple of seasons and clean yourself off a Florida Key, or a comfy little island in the Bahamas. Water remains a safe boundry against decomposing bone-biters.

There goes your major instructions, guys. Several of the instructions below are applicable as well; print ‘em out and read ‘em on the lam. Good luck, and if you ever get down Tahiti way, look me up.

The Details on Old School Zombies

Hey there. How ya doin’? Sitting comfortably? Good. I understand you have a shuffler problem. Tough break. Well, we’ve had several years to work on this one, so the good news is we’ve got plenty of handy information and advice for you, and at least you aren’t being attacked by rabid spastic track stars like the folks above. No offense, but frankly, if you can’t make it past these guys, you just don’t deserve to make it. Let’s get started, shall we?

We’ll start off with a new entry by Mac X, who offers a completely reasonable suggestion:

Check before you panic
911 and other supernatural agencies get swarmed each year with many supposed zombie invasions. Even if they smell bad, have missing appendages, look dazedly around, or try to bite you, please answer the following questions:

1. Is there loud noise that might have a vague semblance to music?

2. Is there a large pit where they seem to gather

3. Do the “zombies” all appear to be under 30?

4. Do they wear spikes and outrageous hairstyles?

5. Do the zombies appear to be arriving from all over instead of clawing themselves up out of the earth?

6. Are there strange little pills on the ground?

If you answered yes to any of these questions there is a high probability that you have a Rave on your hands and not an actual zombie infestation. Please do not shoot the ravers, tell them them there is no beer and that the woofer in your car is broken and they should go away.

1) Don’t slow dance with them. Don’t let them whisper in your ear, even if they say they want to tell you a secret. Don’t look down if one tells you your shoelace is untied.

2) Offer them corn chips. Bugles are OK too, as are Triscuits and goldfish. It’s the salt, you see – according to voodoun legend, if a zombie tastes salt, it will return to the grave. At the very worst, work yourself up a good coat of sweat, and take the bugger with you if he gets a bite in.

3) Arm yourself. The worst thing you can do is screech girlishly and throw your arms up over your face – that’s the zombie equivalent of offering them a turkey leg.

4) Touch them with a 10- foot pole. If you can’t find a handy bazooka, you can always use a good sized whompin’ stick, until something better comes along. Avoid allowing them to invade your personal space at all costs.

5) It’s all in their heads. It seems to be a universal truth that you can drop a zombie by scrambling their eggs for them. Become little bunny foo-foo, and live.

6) Find an American island. American zombies have serious hydrophobia, so you’re pretty safe as long as nobody washes up on shore. Italian zombies, on the other hand, enjoy watersports, so be warned.

7) If it’s dead and laying still, kill it again. One can never be too sure about these things, and zombies are notorious ankle biters.

Klatuu Barada Nicto. Learn it. Know it. Use it properly.

9) I don’t care if it’s your grandma. If it’s decomposing and shambling, you probably don’t want to give it a hug. Well … if it’s DEAD, decomposing and shambling, anyway. Brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, lovers – if they’re zombies, they just want to put the bite on you for lunch. Don’t pick up the tab.

Reader’s Entries

10) Zombie Shark Repellent: According to the unquestioned geek king of the supernatural, Gary Gygax, zombies can be harmed by, or even destroyed by, healing them. So logically, a good-sized can of Bactine should stand you in good stead.

11) Run for your lives!!! Linds from AOL points out that sometimes discretion is oftimes the better part of valor. Become fast food!

12) Dawn of the Dead Redux: Emma suggests, “hide up in your attic with food and water aplenty (good idea to get this done in advance). If a zombie pops his head up use a machete to lop its head off !!!!!!!”

13) Mickey Dismantle: Brendan posits: “Give it a good crack with a baseball bat. He can’t chase you with his head over in left field.”

14) Head Out: Black Rose reminds you that “When you have either a gun/shotgun/bowgun/magnum, or even at least a staff of some sort. aim for the head, not the body.”

15) Resident Instep: Ian straps on his boots with: “If you dont know if the Zombies dead, then it’s HEAD STOMPIN’ TIME!”

16) Wide Open Spaces: Tumbletail saves your bacon with this tip: “Always do your Dead wholloping in an open well-lit space. Avoid dark alleys, basements and dim corridors as well as cabins deep in the woods. (Flyboy in “Dawn of the Dead almost bought it in the utilities area)

17) Chainsaw Massacre! PrincessChiva pulls the ripcord with: “No matter what weapon you have its always best to carry a handy chainsaw just in case bullets have no effect brrrrrrrrrrrmmmmm……..Come get some!”

18) The Fulci Amendment: Shawn Howlett adds some advice for the Italians: “Black Rose is right, go for the head, not the body, unless you’re in a Fulci movie, where it’s an unwritten law that a zombie must take a thousand hits in the body and arms before the guy with the gun gets smart enough to hit it in the head!”

19) Give the boy a hand: Ian Brettell reminds us of the Kandarian exception: “Even if you’re not standing next to them you can suffer. Possession is a bad thing to happen! (i.e. Evil Dead 2′s 2 scenes with Ash as a zombie and the classic GIVE ME BACK MY HAND) Possession tends to lose effect in light areas (Sunlight) or sad/painful memories.

20) The eyes have it: Ouch – Fulci-like thoughts from Stevie M: “When confronted with zombies, try to take out their eyes with a long range handgun shot. They will then wander around aimlessly thus allowing ample time to be dispatched in whatever traditional method is decided upon.”

21) The buddy system: Kurby1400 warns of a common method of zombie attack: “One thing about zombies is they will attack in pairs so if your with some people stay all together never split up and take shelter but stay away from dark areas.”

22) Seldom is heard an encouraging word: Another from kurby1400: “If you get bit by a zombie you might as well kill yourself, because you are going to die any way and go through a lot of pain.”

23) Aloha!: One of my favorite defenses comes from MrMooseMan007: “Book a one-way flight to Hawaii, and don’t look back!”

24) Kaboom: An explosive reply from The Mercenary: “I say that explosives are always a good snack for those dumb zombies. Just line explosives about 30 feet away from your hide-out and set up trip wires so when those zombies try to come knocking on your door, their head and a few other peices of their body will be the only thing left of them. + it’s fun to watch “

25) Zombie Critters: Scott Norton speaks up for our four-footed friends: “Don’t go back for the cat. The cat can probably avoid zombies better than you can. However, the movie “Dracula’s Dog” suggests that this advice is only appropriate for zombies, and not for all undead.”

26) Hot Stuff: Jeff Russell is into undead flambé: “Zombies are flammable, but burning them agitates them into a fiery stumbling dance routine. Give yourself a good distance and don’t try to roast marshmallows.”

27) Hot Stuff 2: Hyperwolf helpfully adds, “An important fact when it comes to zombies is that they like to gather in large foot-shuffling groups. This is where you need to take advantage of zombie mob mentality. If you can get your hands on a nice flamethrower, (or just a gas can and a Zippo will do) it’s time to have yourself a big ol’ zombieque!

28) Tackle your problems: Martha Montgomery suggests the old red-dog: “Zombies are not ninja, so if you have no weapons just dive at his legs to knock him downs then stomp in his head or run like hell.”

29) Lousy Shields: Anna P. brings some sense into play, noting, “Tom Savini’s character, Blades, in Dawn of the Dead proved that zombies do not make very good shields. Poor Blades.”

30) The Pain… The Pain…: Strogi suggests; “Remember, you’re in it deep. Pluck up the courage, hide the cat, muffle your ears and then play Spice Girls. If this doesn’t work, then ur screwed.”

31) Lone Wolfin’ it: CyberRider has room for #1 in his advice: “If you want to have a fighting chance against a zombie, avoid anyone who doesn’t have common sense, just lost their brother, sister or any family member, or thinks they’re always right.”

32) Yeah … OK. Don’t bogart that joint …: In all of its insane glory, a nice story by Craig Black. Gives you an Idea of the stuff I get in my email. ~Sigh~ “My friend was staying overnight at my house and we heard a noise down stairs, so we checked it out. My dad was standing in the kitchen holding a knife at us. My cat ran in the kitchen and my dad chopped its head off and bit into its neck .He ate the whole corps and then he was fine. He just went back to bed and in the morning he didn’t remember a thing.”

34) Special Delivery: A great idea by stu; I wonder if I could use this on Jehovah’s Witnesses?: “Well here’s my story … so your sitting in your room and you smell some sick smell and hear a band at the window or door downstairs. U look out the window and u see a few butt-ugly freaks hitting your door….what do you do??… easy, get any gun and put the muzzle of the gun threw the letter box and let rip……this will attract more ugly zombies to the door because your behind it…so make sure you have plenty of ammo.”

35) Ghoul Cool: Neo suggests a staple for action survival: “Always use one liners (i.e., ‘Yo, She Bitch – Lets Go.’) it worked for Ash in evil dead 3 and makes you cool at the same time.”

36) Set a Buffet: Nathan suggests slowing the beasties down by providing them with a diet alternative: “Zombies will eat any dead corpse even if it is a dead body that was once a zombie. Also if you are setting a trap with a dead zombie make sure no “still walking zombies” are around because zombies tend to go for the living meat.

37) Making friends: Ant suggests a more new-age approach to survival: “Stick by your friends. Especially if they move slower than you. At this point, its all about you. On a side note, don’t look a gift zombie in the mouth. If you manage be befriend one of the buggers, use him, her, or it to your advantage.”

38) If you can’t beat ‘em… Jenny has a unique approach to the situation: “Pretend to be a zombie yourself by moaning, dribbling and walking like a drunk baby.”

39) The SCREAM rules for zombies: jaydogg2088 lays ‘em out: “If you are a guy, you are dead. If you are a very good looking girl, you are dead. If you are naked, your dead. If you have sex, you are dead. If you have the choice of running up stairs or going out side, (with light zombie action), go for the latter. And remember, if you do run, and you will, you ARE going to trip.”

40) Send More Brains! Matt Palmer reminds us of the lessons learned in ‘Return of the Living Dead’: “Do not call for police during zombie attacks. They will simple kill them, and use the CB radio to get more police for food. Never give a zombie a mobile phone either, it will likely call every pizza man in town and make an undead army of them.”

50) Houseguests: A feller with the prosaic pen-name of B. Moniker suggests you remember proper zombie etiquette: “NEVER, and I mean NEVER try to hide zombies in your own house!!! (eg. Dead Alive) They will fight, break things, banter on incessantly and constantly pick on you. The worst kind of dysfunctional family to have, a bunch of damned dirty undead people! On the other hand, should one bite or scratch you (you becoming a staggering, incoherent idiot), I believe that you can be considered legally handicapped! Think of all the nice parking!”

51) The Scott Pauly Unexpurgated Guide to Zombie Survival! Now here’s a feller who’s done some serious thinking about the subject. I present it here in total:

“First off if you see a zombie and think you can run away, congrats on being dumb! If you see a zombie I guarantee you will be seeing more of them very soon. They spread quicker than Jar-Jar hatred due to the surprisingly large number of stupid people. Here’s the low-down:

Have a car at the ready with a trunk full of zombie killing goodness. Trunk should include at least one of the following:

* Handgun preferably something with a lot of impact, if its a choice between high caliber and number of rounds, go with something that will tear the head off rather then just creating small holes which the zombie will use for increased speed due to wind resistance no longer playing a factor…….speed hole zombies.

* Shotgun, regular long neck or sawed off, just be sure you can hold and shoot it without falling over. For those of you who can’t aim.

* Extra Ammo, we have all seen it. Some guy doing really well, that is until you here the click click. Side point, don’t throw the gun at a zombie. They don’t feel it anyway. hang on to it and maybe if you live long enough you can have a nice reminder.

* Something you don’t see too often. Get yourself a nice sword. Even a cheap knock off will do. Just something you can swing fast and not hurt yourself. No chainsaws. They are heavy and not very gas efficient. Sorry Evil Dead fans, but hey, none of us are Bruce Cambell enough to pull that off.

Now that you have a nice anti-zombie kit, put something in the car with you. Just in case you get stuck inside and surrounded. You don’t deserve this advice if you’re dumb enough to get surrounded while inside your car. Try some of these:

* Baseball bat, wooden for that nice crack, or Aluminum for a lovely ping.

* Another Handgun, these are essential for those who want to see the sun again.

Lastly the most important thing to arm yourself with is COMMON SENSE. That’s right, its the one thing separating us from them. Think we’re better than them. Try sitting at a bus stop in any major city, hard to believe that drooling stinky, festering pile in the corner isn’t a zombie, isn’t it. If you lack common sense and are prone to saying things like “Ow, that’s hot!” or “Where’s the last place I remember seeing it.” or even “Mouey, me love you! Mesa Jar Jar Binks!” Get some smart friends and hope they don’t enact operation human shield when the zombies charge.”

To try and lessen pain, all you need to do is anticipate the pain. Get ready for it. Imagining it is the most powerful technique, but also creates pain in your imagination. First of all, do not try this on a headache or a cut. It is not easy and sometimes can increase the pain in a headache. This technique relies on willpower and pain memorization. The easiest kind of pain to lessen or stop the pain is the kind you get when you kick something hard with your foot, growing pains, or those throbbing pains that comes from who knows where. It doesn’t take that much. A little practice, and you will never have to face that annoying ache in your foot again!

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We hope this works.

• How to make Firefox SUPER fast
• Converting Mac files to PC files (and vice versa)
• The Registry Editor (oooh… aaah…)
• Cool programs you HAVE to get (consider this free advertising, Sony and Apple and all those other people)
• And more!!!

Now, for the summer updating.

TheBuse has been inactive for, what, like two weeks. But don’t fret! We will be updating like MAD during the summer with all the extra time and whatnot. I (Raymond) will be in China for a few weeks during July (I think.) I will (try to) get Sitar to take over. Oh, and by the way, he hasn’t done much on the site for a while (Don’t tell him I said that.) When the summer break is over (aww…) we will resume updating and posting, but on a weekly basis, as we are going into seventh grade. And if you’ve ever been to middle school or know someone who has been to middle school, you will understand why.

Cheers!

-Raymond

It’s rather easy.

All you have to do is type in the address bar.

You can also use this to search via search engines.

Here’s an easy example:

Dictionary.com: http://www.dictionary.reference.com/browse/(word you want to search)

It’s easy. All you do is search and make a mental reference of the search thing. Or you can bookmark it, write it down, type it up on Word…. the possibilities are endless.

We’re having the Grand Opening of the page, “Messing with your stupid PC!!!!!”

How to Squelch a Stupid Argument

What’s your point?

(Short and sweet. Short and sweet. *drags the last sentence)

Humor (Ah hahahahahahahahahahahaha *hack* *cough cough*)

Lady: So this is one of those hideous pieces you call modern art?

Museum guide: No, ma’am. That’s called a mirror.

Nurse: Doctor, there’s someone that wants to see you in the next room.

Doctor: What’s the problem?

Nurse: The man’s invisible.

Doctor: Tell him I can’t see him right now.

A woman went into a pet shop and saw a beautiful dog. “May I please have that husky for my son?” she asked. “Sorry,” the cashier replied. “We don’t trade.”

Q: Why can Cinderella never win at sports?

A: She has a pumpkin for a coach and runs away from the ball.

Teacher: Henry, what is a flood?

Henry: It’s a river that grows too big for its bridges.

Q: Why do golfers always bring an extra pair of socks?

A: In case they get a hole in one.

Bob didn’t believe that Fred’s dog could talk. So Fred asked his dog, “What’s on top of a house?” The dog said, “Roof.” Bob still wasn’t convinced. So Fred asked his dog, “How does sandpaper feel?” The dog answered, “Rough.” He still wasn’t convinced. “O.K. Who’s the greatest baseball player of all time?” The dog then said, “Ruth.” With that, Bob walked away, shaking his head in disbelief. The dog turned to Fred and asked, “Was it Hank Aaron?”

A man was walking through the woods when a bear started chasing him. He turned and ran as fast as he could. He fell to his knees and prayed, “Lord, please don’t let this bear eat me.” The man noticed the bear was also praying. “Lord, thank you for this meal I am about to recieve.

I LOVE FIRE!!!

If nothing comes up, click here.

If it says, “Confirm Birth Date,” sign in with this ID:

Username: ravager2486@yahoo.com (it should come up as laaaaaaaaaayfish (ten a’s) as the username.)

Password: 123123678678

These are computer translations, they are not entirely accurate.

French

Japanese

Estonian (WTF?!!)

Czech (OMG….)

Hebrew

Thai

Chinese (simplified)

Chinese (traditional)

Slovenian

Galician

Arabic

Albanian

Ummmm… (first one to figure this out gets a kick in the face!)

Age of Mythology Cheat: Cheat List

To activate these cheats, press ENTER during gameplay, then put in the cheat, then press ENTER again. These cheats are all caps.

• ATM OF EREBUS : 1000 gold
• BAWK BAWK BOOM : Get the chicken-meteor god power
• CHANNEL SURFING : Skip to next scenario in the campaign
• CONSIDER THE INTERNET : Slow down units
• DIVINE INTERVENTION : Use a previously used god power
• FEAR THE FORAGE : Get the walking berry bushes god power (you can’t control these, but they can defend quite well.)
• GOATUNHEIM : Get a god power that turns all units on the map to goats
• IN DARKEST NIGHT : Make it nighttime
• ISIS HEAR MY PLEA : Get the heroes from the campaign (reuse again and again to create an army of almost-invicible heroes!)
• I WANT TEH MONKEYS!!!1! : Monkeys galore (we’re not sure if this works)
• JUNK FOOD NIGHT : 1000 food
• L33T SUPA H4X0R : Faster build (we’re not sure if this works, either)
• LAY OF THE LAND : Show map
• MOUNT OLYMPUS : Full favor

Age of Empires II: The Age of Kings Cheat List (another game made by Ensemble Studios, which made Age of Mythology.)
Press [Enter] to open the chat window. Then enter one of the following codes to activate its corresponding cheat.

• 1,000 food: cheese steak jimmy’s
• 1,000 gold: robin hood
• 1,000 stone: rock on
• 1,000 wood: lumberjack
• Commit suicide: wimpywimpywimpy
• Control animals *: natural wonders
• Disable Fog of War: polo
• Full map: marco
• Instant building: aegis
• Lose campaign: resign
• Saboteur unit: to smithereens
• Shelby AC Cobra: how do you turn this on
• Slay all opponents: black death
• Slay select opponent: torpedo <1-8>
• Useless villager: i love the monkey head
• Win campaign: i r winner

* But lose control of men.

Age of Empires II: The Age of Kings Hint: Cheat Faster

This is a simple hint. Since there are so many cheats in the game, it may be difficult to execute them all quickly, especially when you’re using the same one over and over again. Simply copy and paste any cheat (using CTRL + C and CTRL + V, respectively) and paste it on the cheat screen over and over again as much as you’d like, which will save significant time.

Comments? Please do.

Why does it rain?

Scientific (that means it’s accurate) explanation: Martians are planning an invasion of Earth with their extremely hi-tech weapons. They fly in, throw up a smoke screen (clouds) and fire water guns (such hi-tech weaponry, right?) at us to annihilate us and kill us all! RUUUUUNNNN!!!!!

Why does it snow?

Scientific explanation: After the Martians shoot their water guns at us, they get so bored waiting for us to all die and invade Earth, if it’s cold enough, they start cutting their strange Martian paper! Of course, when you cut paper shapes, there always are scraps. (even specially designed Martian paper!) So they just brush it off their ship! (How rude!)(No one knows why they do it when it’s cold.)

Why does it hail?

Scientific explanation: Even after that (maybe it can happen before!), the Martians get hungry, and sit down, take out their lunchboxes and start eating! The salt they use falls off, and that is hail! (That’s why hail doesn’t melt like snow, and it tastes salty.)

Why causes thunder?

Scientific explanation: Since heaven is in the clouds, and that’s just conveniently where the Martian ships are, while the Martians attack Earth, Zeus is plotting his revenge! (He HATES Martians.) He leads a whole bunch of nymphs against the Martian ships, and drives them off! (while they are having lunch!) Then, where there’s a battle, there’s gotta be wounds! One of Zeus’s nymphs died, so he uses his divine powers on the nymph to revive him! (Brzap!) Instant defibrillator!!! =)

Why do flaming balls of Martian metal rain on us?

Scientific explanation: (Of course this exists? What do you mean that it doesn’t rain flaming Martian metal on us?) After the battle, the wreckage catches on fire and those pieces of the wreckage fall through our very ineffective atmospheric shield!

Why are there earthquakes?

Scientific explanation: Since there’s so much smoke from the flaming balls of Martian metal, Hades (the Lord of the Underworld) decides he needs a breath of fresh air! So, he opens up a hole in the ground and takes his breath of fresh air. =D

Why do volcanoes erupt? And more importantly, what are they?

Scientific explanation: After Hades gets his breath of fresh air, he accidentally inhales some pollen. Now, we all know about Hades’s terrible allergy to pollen, so he sneezes (reeeeaaallly hard) and his flaming boogers (magma) fly out of specially designed holes in the ground, hence the term “eruption.” These specially designed holes, as you probably have guessed, are volcanoes.

We will come with more explanations for weather soon! (If we can.)